Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
