I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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