the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
