On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
