you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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