The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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