I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
