I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
