I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
