Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Randomize
