last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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