IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
