I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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