When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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