Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
