he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
