why didn't you poke me back
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
