There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
