so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
