you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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