i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
