Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
