I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
