I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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