Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
