as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
