so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
