just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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