Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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