So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
