'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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