If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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