My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
