the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
