Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
