Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
