I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
