K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
