I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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