I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
