Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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