We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
