If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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