I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
