Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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