I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Randomize
