Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I will pee on everything he values.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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