I hate your face
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
