chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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