Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
