I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
