He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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