she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
