She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
