I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
