I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
