yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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