Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
