He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
