So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize