erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
