Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
don't judge my taste in strippers
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
