We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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