yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
