...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
