Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize