You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
