just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
