Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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