Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
